Fuck my hero complex.
Living all my life considering others people needs and will has led me to this unpleasant situation. Before, I was not as aware, not as handy, and my life ran smoothly, with the exception of my mothers occasional complaints. However, life threats and a deeper appreciation of the individual roles made me think that this was not the best way to go. So I changed, and turned myself in to a good willed person. Not that I wasn’t. But you get the whole point.
This is how I ended up caring for everything, checking if one had money, checking if one had a ride home, working extra hours with no pay, bearing with stupid inquiries form past boyfriends and so.
But it was all for the sake of everyone’s happiness, right?.
All the same, I am still doing those things. Today, I gave a dog my tshirt. It was shivering, so cold, and wet, with a severe sad look on his eyes. Injured. I wish I could have done something else! But the dog took off the shirt. And ran away from me, that also.
Alright, it’s a dog. What do I expect it to do, thank me? Maybe.
Sometimes I make breakfast for my boyfriend. Most of the times he is happy to be taken food to bed, and to be honest, I love doing it. But one day he spoke to me in an unusual angry tone, and said something similar to -You don’t have to feed me! I’m not a kid for god’s sake!-
Hell he is right.
Everyone is, the dog is. If nobody asked for my help, why do I have to run on their rescue? What do I think I am? A super hero?
All in all, the best explanation I got for this, is That it helps my self esteem. I can’t hold it up for myself.